Was ich fühle, was ich bin, ist nicht gut und darf nicht (so) sein

Angst und Verlust vor der Liebe

showimage Was ich fühle, was ich bin, ist nicht gut und darf nicht (so) sein

Alexander Maria Faßbender : Ein Kind braucht neben seinem eigenen Willen und seiner Entdeckerlust das Gefühl der Akzeptanz und des “Zurückkommenkönnens”. Je früher hierbei angstintensive Erfahrungen stattfinden, umso weniger kann diese Angst verarbeitet werden und umso größer sind die schädlichen Spuren, die sie in der Psyche hinterlässt.
Kinder können nicht weg, sie können ihre Eltern nicht verlassen, denn sie brauchen sie zum Überleben. Deshalb lieben Kinder ihre Eltern, egal wie schlecht sich diese verhalten und egal wie frustriert die Kinder trotz all ihrer Liebe dadurch sind. Wenn die Eltern die naturgegebene Abhängigkeit ihres Kindes missbrauchen, um ihr eigens schwaches Selbstwertgefühl zu stärken, wird dem Kind eine kompensierende Rolle zugewiesen, es wird nicht als eigenständiger Mensch wahrgenommen, der seinen Weg ins Leben finden soll.

Was ich fühle, was ich bin, ist nicht gut und darf nicht (so) sein”
Wenn die Eltern an ihrem Kind Machtansprüche und Aggressionen ausleben oder ihm vermitteln, das es ihnen etwas weg nimmt, ihr Leben unangenehm einschränkt, hinterlässt das viel Frust und gravierende Störungen im Selbstwertgefühl und in der Persönlichkeitsentwicklung des Kindes. Das Gefühl “was ich fühle, was ich bin, ist nicht gut und darf nicht (so) sein” wird zur Grundlage der Selbstwahrnehmung und führt automatisch dazu, diesen “Mangel” auszugleichen. Im Idealfall entwickeln wir unsere Selbst-Ständigkeit mit Urvertrauen und starten mit einer unterstützenden Liebe in die zu erobernde Welt. Unsere Gefühle müssen unseren Eltern eine liebevolle Beachtung wert sein, damit unser Selbst Realität werden kann: Die Reaktion der Eltern auf ihr Kind manifestiert sich in seinem Selbstbild. Verhalten sich Mutter und Vater nicht liebevoll, ohne “Glanz in den Augen”, uninteressiert, aggressiv, schuldzuweisend oder überängstlich und klammernd, kann das Kind kein gesundes Selbstbild entwickeln.

Angst und Verlust vor der Liebe
Es entsteht Angst vor dem Verlust der Liebe und der schützenden Zuwendung oder Angst vor den Gefahren der Eigenständigkeit. Diese Angst erzeugt die Probleme in jeder weiteren Liebesbeziehung des beginnenden Lebens: Ein unsicher gebundenes Kind lernt nicht mit Unterstützung seiner Bezugspersonen seine Gefühle zu regulieren. Das nämlich lernen Kindern und auch Erwachsene erst durch Erleben, durch einfaches, unbeschwertes kennenlernen. Durch den ständigen Frust kommt es zu keiner gesunden Frustrationstoleranz und Enttäuschungen können immer schlechter verkraftet werden: Das Kind ist von den ständigen Gefühlskonflikten überfordert, sein kindlicher Narzissmus kann nicht zu einem gesunden sozialen Verhalten heranreifen. Es wird übermäßig aggressiv, egoman oder völlig eingeschüchtert. Kinder leiden nicht nur, wenn sie geschlagen und misshandelt werden. Viel häufiger findet eine viel subtilere, eine ganz leise und permanente Abwertung der eigenen Rechte statt.

Als Kinder versuchen wir dieser Ohnmacht zu entgehen und entwickeln Verhaltensweisen, von denen wir (in unserer Naivität) annehmen, sie hätten einen positiven Einfluss auf unser Ansehen in der Familie, auf die herrschenden Probleme und somit auf unser eigenes Wohl. Diese Verhaltensmuster nehmen wir später mit hinaus in die Welt. Es sind Strategien, die uns im Umfeld unserer Kindheit einen Vorteil gebracht haben, aber in der Realität doch nur unreife Lösungsversuche waren, um mit den belastenden Ambivalenzen unserer Gefühle umzugehen. Verläuft der Individuierungsprozess nicht wohlwollend, wird Liebe und Bindung mit starken negativen Gefühlen vergemischt und es fehlt uns später die Fähigkeit zwischen unseren Bindungsbedürfnissen und unserer Eigenständigkeit abzuwägen. Das hat schwerwiegende Folgen für unser Leben und alle unsere Beziehungen. Jeder, der uns zu nahe kommt, bedroht unsere Autonomie und jeder der uns zurückweist, treibt uns in die Angst vor dem Verlust der lebensnotwendigen Liebe, die gleichzeitig wieder die Angst vor Abhängigkeit und mangelnder Eigenständigkeit birgt.

Umgekehrt kann eine sichere, liebevolle Bindung an die Eltern selbst gegen ungünstige Erbanlagen Widerstandskraft verleihen. Und je mehr wir gesunde Sicherheit im Zusammenhang mit sich entwickelnder Selbstständigkeit erfahren umso stärker ist das Gefühl der “Selbst-Richtigkeit”, das sich daraus entwickelt. Während des Prozesses der “Selbst-Werdung” und Abtrennung orientieren wir uns nicht nur an unseren Eltern: Wir internalisieren sie, nehmen sie als unsere Vorbilder in unser Selbstbild auf, zeichnen aus ihren Werten unser Selbstverständnis und unsere Weltsicht. So schaffen wir es – mit ihnen in uns – uns von ihnen nach und nach abzutrennen. Wir integrieren unsere Eltern in unsere sich entwickelnde Persönlichkeit – und wundern uns dann später darüber, dass wir ihnen so ähnlich geworden sind.

Alexander Maria Faßbender – Der Wahrnehmungsexperte – ist einer der Top-Coaches für Persönlichkeitsentwicklung sowie Lehr-Coach an verschiedenen europäischen Instituten. \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\”Inspiration for Life® – your life \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\”ist sein Thema. Er ein kreativer Macher und Umsetzer für jeden Menschen, der erfolgreich(er) und glücklich(er) durchs Leben schreiten möchte. Die Menschen kommen zu Alexander Maria Faßbender weil sie nicht mehr weiter wissen oder wissen wollen wie es weiter geht.

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Firmenkontakt
Alexander Maria Faßbender® – Inspiration for life
A.M. Faßbender
Blombergstr. 7
83646 Bad Tölz
01724154101
fassbender@alexander-maria-fassbender.de
http://www.alexander-maria-fassbender.de / www.space-coach-academy.com

Pressekontakt
Real Marketing
Karina Schneider
Blombergstr. 7
83646 Bad Tölz
00436603715616
presse@real-marketing.info
http://www.real-marketing.info