Why you should end toxic friendships

WE CAN take a lot from friendships — good advice, a sympathetic ear, belly laughs and shared history.

But if, over time, things have taken a dive, a once-close bond has turned toxic and we start feeling worse after catching up, it may be time to reassess the value of that friendship.

Maybe your BFF keeps calling late at night crying over the latest drama, makes mean-spirited comments about mutual friends or puts you down with bitchy asides. Or does she talk over you and neglect you completely — until you’re once again needed?

We’ve seen friendships implode in spectacular fashion in Hollywood. Taylor Swift has a long list of former besties, having fallen out with Demi Lovato, Nicki Minaj and Rhianna, to name just a few.

But one of her biggest fights was with fellow superstar Katy Perry. It was sparked after three of Swift’s dancers reportedly left part-way through her tour to take up spots on Perry’s. The rift is rumoured to have inspired Swift to write the album Bad Blood.

Other frenemy feuds have had entire TV shows dedicated to them — such as LC and Heidi Montag on the reality show The Hills, while the infamous rivalries between Joan Crawford and Bette Davis have proved a hit in new television series Feud.

And who could forget Paris Hilton’s friendship-ending comments on Kim Kardashian’s behind, calling it “cottage cheese inside a big trash bag”.

“Sometimes it can be really poisonous and other times it’s a lot more subtle.”

But for the average person, away from the scrunity of public life, accepting someone is taking up too much emotional space in your life and deciding to call time can be a hard process — especially if there’s a long shared history.

Author and motivational speaker Margie Warrell says we need to face some harsh truths in our relationships and, if they’re not working, to stop being complicit in the negativity.

Instead, she advocates taking responsibility as one half of the friendship and to speak up, set boundaries — and be prepared to walk away.

And while it’s natural that at times friends go through hardships and need to rely on us heavily for support and guidance, if it becomes one sided and support isn’t reciprocated, the friendship can turn toxic.

“If we have a friendship that constantly leaves us feeling worse about ourselves or less confident or supported, then that’s a sign it’s not suiting us,” Warrell tells BW Magazine.

“It’s toxic, sometimes it can be really poisonous and other times it’s a lot more subtle. Like this person is only talking about partners or gym workouts and not something you are interested in.

“They are very caught up in something, but not showing any interest in what you are up to.”

Poor relationships can also be bad for our health.

In many cases, there doesn’t have to be an explicit conversation.

A University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill study released last year found a correlation between social interactions and a person’s health.

It reported the better the connections early in life, the better the health later in life. But while the number of friends is important when you are young, in the middle years the quality of the relationship has the greatest impact on health.

But what keeps us arranging catch-ups and answering phone calls with “toxic” friends is often the fear of confrontation — but, Warrell says, in many cases there doesn’t have to be an explicit conversation.

“I don’t think we need to say it. It doesn’t suit everybody to say, ‘We’re not friends any more.’

“Often it’s more gentle. You can say, ‘I’m sorry, I’m busy, I’ve got stuff on, I just don’t have time,’ and over time paths can naturally diverge and spare everyone the discomfort.”

Family counsellor Matt Garrett, from Relationships Australia, says friendships that end are part of life.

Where they do fall apart, he says it’s important to acknowledge any grief and then move on.

“It’s understandable friendships ending will create strong emotions and people shouldn’t be ashamed of that because friends are important,” he says. “We’re social creatures and it’s important we have strong connections. But you should remember you don’t have to have 10 friends to experience a good friendship; it’s quality not quantity.”Read more at:pink cocktail dresses | princess formal dresses